A Forgiving Spirit

A Forgiving Spirit
by Annie Tornabene




I will greet each day with a Forgiving Spirit.

I'm often asked "How can I move on?" You can't move on without a forgiving spirit. Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person or persons for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Love is an act of endless forgiveness that becomes a habit.

Moving on, new year celebrations and other similar events are a chance to start over. Starting over often involves forgiveness; both giving it and getting it. Neither one of those is easy, but both are doable.

Forgiving someone means that we find the courage to go beyond ourselves to a place that helps us see those who have hurt us in a new way. It means that we must confront the past and commit to a new way of thinking and behaving. That's a hard cup to swallow.

There are steps that will help make it a little easier. Remember nothing is impossible. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Fear will try to talk you out of forgiveness because unforgiveness feeds on fear. Fear has been it's teacher... it knows no other way to survive than living a life in fear and unforgiveness.

Forgiveness only applies to the first person. What I mean by that is that you can only forgive what you have done or someone has done to you. You can't forgive what someone did to someone else or they did to someone else. It is strictly personal. If you are not involved, then stay out of it. You can not force another person to forgive. Each person has to make that decision for themselves.

Don't waddle in your forgiveness. When you have decided to forgive someone (that includes yourself), make the statement and let it go. Hanging on to it or to keep nagging about it only means that you haven't been willing to forgive. Don't start listing all the problems at once. Take one at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself or the other person with all the mistakes. I've seen couples try to ask for forgiveness for a thousand mistakes - listing them one by one until the other person is overwhelmed. It's not the time or place to explore the problems. It is simply the time to ask for forgiveness in a forgiving spirit. Some mistakes can be bundled together and sometimes you can just say "Forgive me for all my mistakes." Love is the endless forgiveness that becomes a habit. Love your life. Love the other person. Every time fear pops its ugly head to remind you of the past wrongs, bring love in... think or say "I love you." The same goes for when someone apologies for their mistakes, accept it and let it go reminding yourself to send them love. Each time you do this, it will strengthen you in a forgiving spirit.

Remember none of us are perfect. We have all made mistakes and in a forgiving spirit, we move on. We do not want to be held hostage to our past. A forgiving spirit brings us to a better tomorrow ... a new relationship with the other person and our self. When I learned to forgive myself for past mistakes, it was like a different person. Because I became a different person. The key to forgiveness is to be able to look beyond all the problems, all the faults, all the mistakes and love them and/or yourself anyway!

If you are not ready to forgive, tell the other person that you will need some time but you want to begin a new level of relationship. Remember forgiveness is not the end but the beginning.

Forgiving yourself with a forgiving spirit is the act of beginning to move on ... to live again.

In starting a new beginning and moving on, celebrate that moment with a hug, a smile, a toast or even a dinner. You have made the first step, however small it may be, you have made the first step to moving on in a forgiving spirit.

Remember to forgive those who do not ask for forgiveness and most importantly, forgive yourself. Do whatever it takes to forgive in a forgiving spirit with an attitude of gratitude. No one said it would be easy, just that it is worth it. Together we can make a difference in learning to live with a forgiving spirit in an attitude of gratitude.