Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

by Annie Tornabene




My nephew didn't get to come to his Granddad's (my Dad) funeral two and a half years ago because of the distance and cost. My how time flies. Since he's been down here, I've tried not to say anything about Granddad. Being a curious boy, he has asked many questions about Granddad. He instinctively knew not to ask the questions around my Mom or his new Grandfather (PappaSam). I don't know if his parents said something to him before he came down or how he figured it out. However, I am thankful.

One day, he asked me when we were in the car, "Where's my Granddad?" I thought he was referring to PappaSam and told him where is was.

He said, "No, I love my new PappaSam, but I miss my other Granddad."

"I miss him, too," I said, then added, "Remember he died."

"I know, but where did they put him. Remember I couldn't come down for the funeral."

"Oh, you want to know where he's buried?" I said.

"Yes, can we go there?" he said.

It was getting close to dusk but I thought the cemetery was still opened. So we hurried over there so he could see. I pointed it out and brushed a few leaves off the headstone. He notice several of the markers had flowers and Granddad's didn't. I guess the keepers remove the flowers or in one of the storms we've had recently they blew away and the vase was turned back into the marker. He said he wanted to get some more flowers for the grave. I told him we couldn't now because the cemetery was closing but we would another day.

Well, out of the clear blue on Sunday afternoon, he reminded me that we were suppose to get flowers for Granddad's grave. You know kids are better at reminding you of things than any PDA or Blackberry or any reminder. So we went to pick out some flowers and he wanted a lei too. He remembered that from being in Hawaii. Then we had to pick up some duck feed too.

We went to the cemetery. He said he wasn't sure how to say goodbye to Granddad. Many of us find it difficult to say goodbye to someone who has died. I remembered an episode of Magnum PI where Magnum's Granddad died and he had to help his nephew say goodbye too. We talked about how death is like the butterfly in the cocoon. My Great Grandfather told me this when I was three on the day he died. It has helped me throughout my life. So we talked about how much we loved Granddad and how blessed we were to have him in our life. We said we missed him, but we believe that we will see him again someday. We talked about how even though we could not see him, the love we have for him is still in our hearts and will always be there. We put the flowers in the vase and then he put the lei on the headstone. We sat silently for a few moments.

We got up and got the duck feed out of the car. He said that Granddad was lucky to have been buried in such a beautiful garden. His site overlooks the duck pond. There are majestic oak trees and flowers all around. He said that Granddad was blessed to have the ducks and trees all around. We fed the ducks and had a wonderful time.

Death is not reserved for the privileged few. All of us at one time or another will experience the loss of a loved one - it just part of the strings of life. Just remember after the death of a loved one, to find that thread that survives death. Love survives death. Love is eternal. My Dad told me in many of the talks we shared before his death, how every day of his life after his parents died, he thought of them but remembered their love. I have thought of my Dad everyday since he died but it is his love that keeps me going. Your love will continue throughout and remain in you heart. Cherish it. Honor it. Have you said goodbye to your loss and found your thread that survives their death? Together we can make a difference in understanding depression.