One lady with a grown alcoholic daughter in her mid–thirties still living with her. When the daughter went out and drank too much to drive home, guess who goes to pick her up? If she's too drunk to work and can't make her car payment or her house payment, guess who makes it? You're right. It's Mom. So, whom of the two is the sickest?
As long as Mom keeps rescuing her daughter, the daughter has no need to face her problem and deal with it. Mom is the enabler. There are four codependents who enable each alcoholic. Therefore, these people bypass the natural consequences of the alcoholics' self–destructive behavior which keep them drinking. They never learn to take responsibility.
As difficult as it is, there comes a time after nothing else has worked, when the codependent needs to let go and stop their rescuing behavior; the buck stops here. This is a part of the sickness and reinforces the problem until you can let go.
Usually it is only when people with major problems hit rock bottom that they face they are the queen of denial, admit to it, and do something about it. They may not stop their destructive behavior, but if we don't stop rescuing them, it is a sure–fire guarantee that they won't get into recovery. Until they hit rock bottom and come to their senses, the mind healing cannot begin.
Is there someone in your life that you need to let go of, get out of the way, and stop rescuing? This act of kindness may seem tough and will most likely cause friction, but it is the most and only loving thing to do. Know that it's because you love them, that you have to let them go. They have already made the decision, it's you that keeps holding on. Let go of your fear. It doesn't mean that you can't pray for them or wish them well. It means that it's time to move on. Who knows someday in the future, you could meet again when things are different. The Power that created you has the power to heal you to know when it's time to let go. Join a support group. Together we can make a difference.
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